Amazing Center Fielder

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a town with a FANTASTIC high school softball coach.  Although I was a "four sporter" in high school, softball was something I did because I loved it, not because I was great at it.  I told my seventh grade students this year that I made the record books in high school for strike outs.  They were thinking I was awesome or "sick" in a good way (I'm getting old), until I told them I wasn't a pitcher and was talking about striking out as a batter.  Yep, I would swing for the fence every time.  Sometimes it did go over, but a lot of the time I missed the ball.

Now I enjoy watching baseball and softball with a greater appreciation for the massive wealth of knowledge my coach taught us about the game.  I feel like I would be a great softball coach because of everything I learned from my coach, except I would never be able to hit fly balls.  (see whiffing story above)

One of the things he was adamant about was communication on the field.  Everyone was talking constantly.  I particularly remember that when the ball was in the air, someone on the field was screaming "I've got it!" as loud as they could.  Because this was ingrained in our brains, we took delight in moments where the other team missed simple fly balls because of lack of communication on the field.  We've all seen it somewhere-bloopers reels, little league, even the majors at times-lack of communication and the ball simply falls, no one catches it.  When they show a replay, you can see it in the players' faces.  Everyone thinks someone else is going to catch it and no one says anything.  A horrible moment for the fielding team.

In my day-to-day life, I live in fear of this happening.  So many life experiences have taught me to fear the ball coming.  I get so nervous that it is going to drop, that I don't have confidence in myself or confidence that life will be okay.  I am just plain-old scared of life's circumstances.

We all have that fly ball hanging over our heads in some form or another.  Finances, jobs, relationships, disappointments...

...but we have a secret weapon on our team.

Jesus is in center field.

He is our MVP, our go-to guy.  He doesn't drop the ball.  And he is coming barreling in at full speed shouting, "I got it, I've got this!"  He will catch whatever hit you are expecting to drop, and He won't miss.  You don't have to be afraid, but can walk with confidence knowing you play for the winning team.  Your teammate makes you strong.  Everything will turn out okay.

Separation Anxiety

 "Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 'It’s a ghost,' they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'

 'Lord, if it’s you,' Peter replied, 'tell me to come to you on the water.'

 'Come,' he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'

 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.  Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"

                                                                  Matthew 14:22-33

My nine month old son is crawling around the living room like a champ, but like our other children at this age, if he feels alone or doesn't see one of us in the room, he starts crying.  Separation anxiety.  He will sit there and cry until someone calls out to him and we are in his line of sight again.  

This happened the other morning when we were busy about the house, trying to get folded laundry put away.  (a never ending task)  I heard him loudly crying out and returned to the living room.  He had gotten himself so worked up that he couldn't find me when I called to him so I quickly got to the floor and laid on my belly, down at his level.  

"I'm right here!" I called, "You're okay!"  The largest, heart-warming grin came over his face and he immediately picked himself up off his belly and crawled to me across the room.  We giggled and laughed together and he knew he was fine.

It reminded me so much of the story of Jesus walking on water and Peter taking his eyes off of Jesus.  Without Jesus in sight, Peter lost faith and began to sink, crying out for help.  

How many of us suffer from separation anxiety from Jesus and don't even realize it?  

There have been times in our lives when we are crying out like my little son; depressed, worried, scared, angry...desperate to know we are not alone.  But Jesus is right there on His belly, down at our level calling, "I'm right here!"  "You're okay!" He wants nothing more than for us to pick ourselves up off our bellies and come crawling to Him as fast as we can so He can scoop us up.

This Thrifty Heart

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."                        Colossians 3:12-15

I am addicted to second-hand stuff.  This mama of four is in heaven on garage sale weekend.  When our tax refund came in, the only place I thought of shopping at was Goodwill. And don't even get me started on how often I am on Craigslist looking for a steal after the kids are in bed.

Sometimes it is necessity.  In fact, to be honest, tomorrow is pay day and we've been scootin' along the last week just hoping to get there.  I think a lot more people are in the same boat than our society realizes or admits.  It is not that we spend carelessly, things just add up quickly and then life gets in the way of our best laid saving plans.

So, I have become obsessive with the good deal.  I love Pinterest, watch Flea Market Flip as much as my hubby watches Cubs baseball at night, and could probably count on one hand the number of items in my closet I spent over $15 on.  (not exaggerating)  I am pretty proud of myself when I walk out the door knowing that I am head-to-toe less than $25.

In this soul searching, however, I find there are times when I am also thrifty with my heart...and that's not good.  My stubborn heart does not forgive as quickly as it should and is not as generous with love as it could be to people in my life.  How quick I am to forget that I myself am a sinner who Jesus paid FULL PRICE for when he died on the cross.

In return for this (literal) deal of a lifetime, I owe nothing.  The "Goodwill" of God paid for everything I ever need.

Ever feel like your heart is holding back from forgiving others?  That's when we need to remember that we are to love our neighbors (friends, spouses, coworkers, children, etc) as Jesus loves us....with compassion, with grace, with forgiveness.  WITHOUT thriftiness but instead with ALL of our hearts.

Tropical Storm Andrea

1 John 3:2
"Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be."

When I heard the name of the latest storm on the coast, I joked with friends and family that they must have seen my house.  Actually, I often feel like a storm that brings drama and leaves damage wherever I go.  It seems like even with the very best of intentions and my biggest effort, I often fail. 

For me, usually it is the house.  I am one of those people that sees potential in shabby, sees what everyone and everything can be.  My family resides in an old house built in the late 1800's that has uneven floors, creaky stairs, cracked ceilings, and wall-papered plaster walls...and I love it.  I see a home that has seen several families' children run through the halls, beautiful woodwork and character, spacious rooms, and a lot of love to grow.  My problem?  I watch too much HGTV.

Every room becomes a giant art project.  Things get tackled and left unfinished.  I have intentions of making them beautiful, but, more often than not, life gets in the way and they end up half done.  Then, this family of six leaves its chaos all over and *BOOM* Tropical Storm Andrea has swept through.  I look around and see my failure in every room and then I feel really low about my abilities as a wife and mother to provide a "homey" environment for my family.

My six year old son once told me that if the house were any messier he would just buy some wood and nails and build a new one in the backyard.  *sigh*

The good news?  God's love is not dependent on whether or not I keep my house clean...whether or not I finish my projects.  In fact, I am His unfinished project!  He sees my potential and is molding and making me into who He intends me to be.  None of us are perfect, but that's okay.  His love for us is so great, His plans for us so big, and His grace so unrelenting that we never have to feel imperfect. 

My kids know a little tune that they like to belt out on our road trips:

"He's still working on me 
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
The sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be."
He's still working on me."

So today, I sit in my imperfect house and rejoice in the Lord's grace and my potential.

Keep Fluttering

Lamentations 3:22-23   "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness."

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with hummingbirds.  I remember getting very excited seeing the small bird and staring in wonder at its beauty.  Isn't it a wonder how such a small, spectacular creature can do such miraculous things?  From reading about them over the years, I am intrigued by the speed of their wings.  Hummingbirds flap their wings about 80 times per second!  You would never know it to look at them as they hover around like little helicopters.  They are the only bird that can fly backwards and upside down.  A tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare miracle.

One of the biggest connections I have to the bird comes from an experience a few years back.  Following five weeks in the PICU at Iowa City, my son, Miles, lost his battle for life.  All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a mom.  (I have the best that ever existed, and the only thing I ever dreamed of was being the best for my children as well.)  So losing Miles was confusing, stressful, and extremely overwhelming.

 I remember my first morning home after the day he died feeling like life wouldn't move forward, but when I stepped outside that morning, a tiny, colorful, gorgeous, miracle fluttered by my face, impossible to miss.  Captivated, I stood and stared at the little bird hover from flower to flower in front of my home.  I hadn't seen one in years and was overcome with a sense of peace.  My heart leapt, knowing that in my struggle, God had sent me a little reminder that He was in control.  My tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare little Miles was being well-looked after. 

The next morning, the little bird was there again.  And the next.  And the next.  He was there every morning from the day my son died until the day we buried him. After the day of the funeral, I never saw the hummingbird again.


Do you ever have days that are so overwhelming that you feel like that little bird?  Like you have to flutter your wings 80 times per second just to hover? 

I don't pretend to understand God's bigger plan for why Miles didn't survive, but I am grateful for the short glimpse of Miles-rare, gorgeous, tiny, colorful-just as miraculous as a little hummingbird.  None of use are exempt from stress and struggle, from feeling like a tiny bird fluttering fast in a big, overwhelming place, but if you look for the Holy Spirit in your times of struggle, you will see God's faithfulness.  Sometimes in the form of a comforting promise like my little bird, sometimes in an answer to prayer, sometimes just in a feeling of peace...but rest assured He knows your struggle and He is there.  For YOU are HIS child-tiny, colorful, gorgeous, and rare-His miracle.  And He won't abandon you.