My soul is like an empty house and my heart, a furnace.
"...if we love one another, God abides in us. And his love is perfect in us." -1 John 4:12
After a much needed get-away at my parents' over Christmas, we returned to our big, old, drafty home on the other side of the state to find a very, very cold house. It isn't fun when you come in from below zero temperatures and it is only in the 40's inside. So many things are running through your head. Is the furnace broken? What will this cost? What will it take to fix it? Will it cause damage to the house?
Coming up from the basement, my husband confirmed what we already knew, the furnace wasn't working. The only hope was that we could just light the pilot-that something had caused it to go out, and all we needed to do was start a flame.
A trip to the store for a lighter, ten minutes of trying, waiting, and trying again, and success...the flame took and the furnace was back in business.
Over the course of my life, my heart has become so much like that furnace and maybe yours has too.
Experiences, over time can cause the pilot to go out and our hearts turn cold. So many things can put out the fire...broken relationships, death, injustice, fear, financial hardship, sickness, loss...this world is full of cold disappointment. Then it begins to spread around us to those people in our paths and the things we do.
I don't know if you've ever found yourself with a cold heart, but I have. And then so many things go through my head...Is it broken? What will it cost me? Can I fix it? Will it forever damage me?
Even though I'm a preacher's daughter (and of an amazing preacher I might add), I used to think that I was good in my soul and knew what I believed so it didn't matter if I went to church on a regular basis or not. I figured I could teach my children everything they needed and that all would work out in the end.
What I learned from the pilot going out on my heart, was the only answer to my questions was Jesus.
My first grade son came home from school a couple months ago and mentioned that he had talked to a friend about having Jesus in his heart. How awesome, I thought! He then said that his friend asked Jesus into his heart and then told him he felt all warm inside....music to a mama's ears.
But isn't that the truth? He is the source of warmth for the heart and, therefore, the soul. I needed to get to a church and light the pilot. I needed to surround myself with the warmth of people whose pilots were already lit, whose hearts were full of warmth and who then were themselves sources of warmth for those around them. I needed to thaw the cold heart within me so I could be sure to light the fire for the hearts around me who needed me.
It didn't take long at all to find people with these hearts, people who changed mine. Those loving hearts along with the message of Jesus, lit my pilot and warmed my soul.
We have a choice to remain cold and independent, frozen from life's disappointments or to light the fire within our hearts with the love and compassion of a savior...and pass the flame, not the cold, to those around us.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Are you ready for Christmas?
"She wrapped him in clothes and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." -Luke 2:7
"Are you ready for Christmas, yet?" I hear the question everywhere I go.
Yesterday was decorating day at our house. The tree is up, has water, and it isn't falling. The lights twinkle and the ornaments are all hung and out of the reach of little hands. The angel is on top. Scout the Elf has been on the move in the house for a week and the kids' Christmas lists have been made. The Christmas dinner menu has been chosen, and shopping trips have been planned. Cards have been ordered.
With Manheim Steamroller blasting from the CD player, today is cookie baking day. This is no small task with four kids under the age of 9, (it's a magic trick how quickly dough disappears without me noticing) but the cookies are out of the oven and not burnt to a crisp. I am exhausted, but all seems to be falling into place.
The reality is the phrase "hustle and bustle" isn't just a saying, it is the way of the land in most households. We scramble to prepare for the holiday. Whether you are the most organized person in the history of mankind or the least organized person (like me), chances are you have an idea of what Christmas will look like for you and your household. You will be prepared when the 25th comes around.
Or will you?
We spend so much time and energy getting ready for Christmas, but how much time do we spend getting ready for Christ?
Every morning for the last four days, my daughter, Sofie, has awoke and shouted, "It's Christmas Eve!" only to be disappointed with the daily, "Not yet," from Mommy or Daddy. She is excited. But do you know what she's excited for the most? Jesus' birthday.
Don't get me wrong, I love the joy of the season. I treasure the days with family, the thrill and excitement of present giving, the classic movies and, dare I say, mistletoe moments...I am right there with the rest of the world. But this year, as I prepare for the holiday I love, I am making sure that first I prepare my heart.
Like Sofie, I am ready for the celebration of a birth...a birth that saves me every single day of my life from myself.
What do you want for Christmas this year? What if I said that you could have the gift of comfort when you feel sad, the gift of strength when you are weak? Of love when you are lonely, or support when you are scared? A light in the dark and peace for your stress. Life when you are dead.
You would say, "I'll take it!" And I would say, "Accept it, it is already yours for the taking."
Have you prepared your heart for that?
Make room in your life, this Christmas, for the gift the birth of Jesus gave you. Talk to the Giver, receive the gift for the first time or again and again, be thankful, be faithful, be grateful...and prepare your heart for the birthday celebration of the baby that gives you life when you are dead. Make room in your inn, and not the stable. Prepare your heart.
"Are you ready for Christmas, yet?" I hear the question everywhere I go.
Yesterday was decorating day at our house. The tree is up, has water, and it isn't falling. The lights twinkle and the ornaments are all hung and out of the reach of little hands. The angel is on top. Scout the Elf has been on the move in the house for a week and the kids' Christmas lists have been made. The Christmas dinner menu has been chosen, and shopping trips have been planned. Cards have been ordered.
With Manheim Steamroller blasting from the CD player, today is cookie baking day. This is no small task with four kids under the age of 9, (it's a magic trick how quickly dough disappears without me noticing) but the cookies are out of the oven and not burnt to a crisp. I am exhausted, but all seems to be falling into place.
The reality is the phrase "hustle and bustle" isn't just a saying, it is the way of the land in most households. We scramble to prepare for the holiday. Whether you are the most organized person in the history of mankind or the least organized person (like me), chances are you have an idea of what Christmas will look like for you and your household. You will be prepared when the 25th comes around.
Or will you?
We spend so much time and energy getting ready for Christmas, but how much time do we spend getting ready for Christ?
Every morning for the last four days, my daughter, Sofie, has awoke and shouted, "It's Christmas Eve!" only to be disappointed with the daily, "Not yet," from Mommy or Daddy. She is excited. But do you know what she's excited for the most? Jesus' birthday.
Don't get me wrong, I love the joy of the season. I treasure the days with family, the thrill and excitement of present giving, the classic movies and, dare I say, mistletoe moments...I am right there with the rest of the world. But this year, as I prepare for the holiday I love, I am making sure that first I prepare my heart.
Like Sofie, I am ready for the celebration of a birth...a birth that saves me every single day of my life from myself.
What do you want for Christmas this year? What if I said that you could have the gift of comfort when you feel sad, the gift of strength when you are weak? Of love when you are lonely, or support when you are scared? A light in the dark and peace for your stress. Life when you are dead.
You would say, "I'll take it!" And I would say, "Accept it, it is already yours for the taking."
Have you prepared your heart for that?
Make room in your life, this Christmas, for the gift the birth of Jesus gave you. Talk to the Giver, receive the gift for the first time or again and again, be thankful, be faithful, be grateful...and prepare your heart for the birthday celebration of the baby that gives you life when you are dead. Make room in your inn, and not the stable. Prepare your heart.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Whistle a Happy Tune
"Let
the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach
and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and
hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts."
-Colossians 3:16
This doesn't happen to everyone, but once in awhile life circumstances hit us full-on, and when Thanksgiving comes around it is hard to find something to be thankful for. It is true that we can chime in with what we KNOW we should be thankful for...maybe the kids, maybe your family, maybe a helpful friend, or your health....we've been trained well to do this.
But really, deep down inside, we find ourselves struggling to be thankful.
This is where I find myself this year.
Ever feel that way?
With social media today, it is so easy to look at everyone else's lives as the picture-perfect, picket fence dream we see them posting on a daily basis. They've proudly put their happy moments on display-buying new houses, getting promotions, beautiful children in perfect poses...I do it too.
I also look at everyone's happiness around me and feel jealous, like a little kid, of what they have. I think that if I had what they had, instead of the circumstance I am in, I would be happy.
In an all-time favorite movie of mine, "The Count of Monte Cristo", one of the characters is remembering with a wealthy nobleman a time when he was little and he was given a pony while his poor friend was given a whistle. She remembers with him how he was angry because the poor boy was happier with his whistle than he was with his pony. I often think to myself, "That's what I want!" I want to be happy with a whistle!
But I look around at bills we can't pay, mouths we're having trouble feeding, broken friendships, losses I've experienced over the years, and all the anger and fear inside me, and instead of being happy, I'm struggling to be thankful for anything-even the ponies I've clearly been blessed with.
But there is a place to find peace and contentment.
We've all been given the greatest gift, and if accepted, there is happiness beyond our expectations. Through all the turmoil and disappointment in life, whatever you are going through, whatever you are anxious or angry about, whatever you fear, there is a promise to be thankful for...a promise of everlasting life, unconditional love, and an undeniable happiness to be found.
A gift worth shouts of thanksgiving.
A whistle named Jesus.
This gift of hope comes with warmth, and fills your emptiness with all that you could ever need, blessings in abundance, and a thankful heart. A gift that gives contentment no matter what.
-Colossians 3:16
This doesn't happen to everyone, but once in awhile life circumstances hit us full-on, and when Thanksgiving comes around it is hard to find something to be thankful for. It is true that we can chime in with what we KNOW we should be thankful for...maybe the kids, maybe your family, maybe a helpful friend, or your health....we've been trained well to do this.
But really, deep down inside, we find ourselves struggling to be thankful.
This is where I find myself this year.
Ever feel that way?
With social media today, it is so easy to look at everyone else's lives as the picture-perfect, picket fence dream we see them posting on a daily basis. They've proudly put their happy moments on display-buying new houses, getting promotions, beautiful children in perfect poses...I do it too.
I also look at everyone's happiness around me and feel jealous, like a little kid, of what they have. I think that if I had what they had, instead of the circumstance I am in, I would be happy.
In an all-time favorite movie of mine, "The Count of Monte Cristo", one of the characters is remembering with a wealthy nobleman a time when he was little and he was given a pony while his poor friend was given a whistle. She remembers with him how he was angry because the poor boy was happier with his whistle than he was with his pony. I often think to myself, "That's what I want!" I want to be happy with a whistle!
But I look around at bills we can't pay, mouths we're having trouble feeding, broken friendships, losses I've experienced over the years, and all the anger and fear inside me, and instead of being happy, I'm struggling to be thankful for anything-even the ponies I've clearly been blessed with.
But there is a place to find peace and contentment.
We've all been given the greatest gift, and if accepted, there is happiness beyond our expectations. Through all the turmoil and disappointment in life, whatever you are going through, whatever you are anxious or angry about, whatever you fear, there is a promise to be thankful for...a promise of everlasting life, unconditional love, and an undeniable happiness to be found.
A gift worth shouts of thanksgiving.
A whistle named Jesus.
This gift of hope comes with warmth, and fills your emptiness with all that you could ever need, blessings in abundance, and a thankful heart. A gift that gives contentment no matter what.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Meet in the Kitchen
"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13
It's no secret to those who know me that I am highly competitive. I love sports, basketball especially, and in the ultimate, self-revolving world of my high school years, it was my priority in life. My team was pretty decent, not perfect, but we won our conference championship and had a winning season.
While on the court, I was aggressive, driven, and determined to win at all cost. (I have a crooked nose, cracked tooth, extremely weak ankles and knees, and a still not fully functioning hamstring to prove it) I was so focused, in fact, that everything else would disappear except for the game and two voices: my coach and my dad.
My dad is also highly competitive and loves sports. Watching sports is the only time I've ever heard him yell at anyone or anything. In fact, I have vivid memories of him red-faced in the crowd yelling at referees.
Now our small town loved basketball enough that often we had a packed gym. (This was partially because the boys team that always followed our game was exceptional, but who really needs that information, right?) Anyway, even in a packed gym, I could always pick out Dad's voice...sometimes yelling at the refs and sometimes encouraging our team...but I always heard him, even when there wasn't an open seat left in the gymnasium. Isn't that amazing?
Yet it was my time with Dad after the games that sticks out the most in my memory. Following every game, you could find us sitting in the kitchen eating frozen pizza, cereal, or ice cream and rehashing every play...every moment. When I was over-the-moon for scoring my career high 26 pts, we celebrated. When I was angry because a foul called on me sent a gal to the free throw line to tie the game and they eventually beat us in overtime, he was there to reassure me that I did not, in fact, touch her. When my team lost the game to go to state my senior year and all our hopes and dreams were shattered...everything I had worked for day in and day out for four years let down...he was there to put his arms around me and tell me how proud he was of how I played. I treasure those memories.
It was loving. It was constant. It was unconditional. It was always there.
It was Christ-like.
Day-in and day-out we play the game with Jesus in the crowd. He celebrates our successes and redeems us when we fail. If we listen close enough, we can always hear his voice whisper above the noise...calming the storms that threaten to hold us down, encouraging us when we are tired and behind, celebrating our victories.
However your game plays out, losses and successes, proud moments and days when you only feel defeat, take the time to meet him in the kitchen. He loves to hear from you, discuss every play-every moment of your day. He will come to your defense, reassure you when you doubt, and put his arms around you when your dreams are shattered. Treasure your time with Jesus for he treasures his time with you.
He is loving. He is constant. He is unconditional. He is always there.
It's no secret to those who know me that I am highly competitive. I love sports, basketball especially, and in the ultimate, self-revolving world of my high school years, it was my priority in life. My team was pretty decent, not perfect, but we won our conference championship and had a winning season.
While on the court, I was aggressive, driven, and determined to win at all cost. (I have a crooked nose, cracked tooth, extremely weak ankles and knees, and a still not fully functioning hamstring to prove it) I was so focused, in fact, that everything else would disappear except for the game and two voices: my coach and my dad.
My dad is also highly competitive and loves sports. Watching sports is the only time I've ever heard him yell at anyone or anything. In fact, I have vivid memories of him red-faced in the crowd yelling at referees.
Now our small town loved basketball enough that often we had a packed gym. (This was partially because the boys team that always followed our game was exceptional, but who really needs that information, right?) Anyway, even in a packed gym, I could always pick out Dad's voice...sometimes yelling at the refs and sometimes encouraging our team...but I always heard him, even when there wasn't an open seat left in the gymnasium. Isn't that amazing?
Yet it was my time with Dad after the games that sticks out the most in my memory. Following every game, you could find us sitting in the kitchen eating frozen pizza, cereal, or ice cream and rehashing every play...every moment. When I was over-the-moon for scoring my career high 26 pts, we celebrated. When I was angry because a foul called on me sent a gal to the free throw line to tie the game and they eventually beat us in overtime, he was there to reassure me that I did not, in fact, touch her. When my team lost the game to go to state my senior year and all our hopes and dreams were shattered...everything I had worked for day in and day out for four years let down...he was there to put his arms around me and tell me how proud he was of how I played. I treasure those memories.
It was loving. It was constant. It was unconditional. It was always there.
It was Christ-like.
Day-in and day-out we play the game with Jesus in the crowd. He celebrates our successes and redeems us when we fail. If we listen close enough, we can always hear his voice whisper above the noise...calming the storms that threaten to hold us down, encouraging us when we are tired and behind, celebrating our victories.
However your game plays out, losses and successes, proud moments and days when you only feel defeat, take the time to meet him in the kitchen. He loves to hear from you, discuss every play-every moment of your day. He will come to your defense, reassure you when you doubt, and put his arms around you when your dreams are shattered. Treasure your time with Jesus for he treasures his time with you.
He is loving. He is constant. He is unconditional. He is always there.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
The Ups and Downs of Halloween Costumes
"So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
Then the word of the Lord came to me. He said, 'Can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand."
Jeremiah 18:3-6
Every year, I make my kids' Halloween costumes. It is something that my mom always used to do when we were little. I love allowing them to choose anything they way to be, and I love the challenge of the creative process...and boy is it ever a process.
With four kids, it takes a long time...choosing fabrics/materials, figuring out how to make them fit, figuring out how to make it look like they want it to look while still having my kids able to breathe and see. I love it and yet I always get frustrated, disappointed, let down at some point. Then miraculously in the end, it all works out.
This year, my kids were very excited about being part of the process. However, they were not able to see the vision. Often along the way I would hear, "That doesn't look like it's suppose to," or I would just see them trying to hide their disappointment in what it looked like.
There were also times when I had to adjust, start over, fix, resize, etc.
Yet in the end, when the costumes were revealed, there was nothing on their faces but pure joy. Being a teacher, I also had the privilege of seeing them parade around the school proud as peacocks of the end result.
On the way back from trick or treating, my son asked why I make their costumes every year. Before I had a chance to answer, he said, "Is it because you love me?"
"Yes, that's exactly it," I replied.
The whole process reminds me so much of being the clay in God's hands like in the verse from Jeremiah.
Our life experiences, good and bad, shape us.
From the smallest conversations with strangers, to the most exciting accomplishments, to the most devastating blows, we are being shaped by what we experience.
When you're in the midst of the worst experiences, it is easy to distrust the potter. We forget that we are in his hands and he is in control. We don't see where it is going or how it could possibly be worked out. We only see the mess. We don't understand why prayers go unanswered.
But the truth is, that the potter never takes his hands off us. He never lets go. He takes our situation and uses it to mold us, to shape us, into the vision he has had for us from the very beginning. It is okay to trust. It is okay to let go and give it to him and know that he is all powerful-that it is all part of a greater plan, and we are being transformed in the process.
Is it because He loves us?
Yes, that's exactly it.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
"Fair-Weather Friends"
"This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." -John 15:12-13
I have to admit it, I am a sucker for a sappy love story. Gone With the Wind is easily my all time favorite movie, and others on my list would include Casablanca, It's A Wonderful Life, Little Women, and Anne of Green Gables.
Weird list? I suppose.
But they give me that warm fuzzy feeling that makes me come back to them over and over again. Perhaps it is because they remind me of the people I used to watch them with, (siblings, family, close friends) but I also think it is because they are incredible love stories.
It is a quote from Anne of Green Gables in particular that I have come to cherish as my personal reminder of love. I could almost quote this movie word-for-word from start to finish-as could my sisters and mother. (Here I insert a large apology to my little brother.)
Anyway, in the movie, Anne is an orphan taken underwing by a brother and sister who never got married and had families of their own. Anne doesn't know how to pray and as Marilla is teaching her about God and prayer, she says, "God does not want you for a fair-weather friend."
I never really thought about what that meant until years later, and then it hit me like a brick and stuck. Loving God, loving family, and loving friends only when they are perfect, only when life is going your way, only if they never hurt you, and only when it is convenient isn't really love. And it isn't what Christ wants for us.
Love comes in so many different forms...sometimes it is fast and overwhelming, sometimes it kind of sneaks up on us, no matter how we find it...there is power where there is love. And if you can truly show unconditional love in this world to all the people around you (spouses, children, family, close friends, acquaintances, even enemies) it has the ability to change the world...and also to change you.
In Anne of Green Gables, Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert set out to change Anne's life for the better and in the end it was their hearts and lives that were blessed.
A few years ago, I made the decision to love like this...like Christ. It isn't easy, it doesn't always come naturally, and it isn't without effort. In fact sometimes it takes a conscious choice to tell myself to love them anyway...but its result has overflowed my life and awakened my soul. See the thing is, God doesn't want us to love him only when life is going according to our plans....not just as a fair-weather friend. He wants a love that is deeper. And he wants us to love people the same way.
To love another with complete abandonment, without counting wrongs, without counting faults, is the most freeing, most powerful feeling you could ever have. And the truth is, you are loved like that. It's in the greatest love story that ever existed. A love story in which a man gave his life so that YOU might live.
So make the choice. Choose to love.
I have to admit it, I am a sucker for a sappy love story. Gone With the Wind is easily my all time favorite movie, and others on my list would include Casablanca, It's A Wonderful Life, Little Women, and Anne of Green Gables.
Weird list? I suppose.
But they give me that warm fuzzy feeling that makes me come back to them over and over again. Perhaps it is because they remind me of the people I used to watch them with, (siblings, family, close friends) but I also think it is because they are incredible love stories.
It is a quote from Anne of Green Gables in particular that I have come to cherish as my personal reminder of love. I could almost quote this movie word-for-word from start to finish-as could my sisters and mother. (Here I insert a large apology to my little brother.)
Anyway, in the movie, Anne is an orphan taken underwing by a brother and sister who never got married and had families of their own. Anne doesn't know how to pray and as Marilla is teaching her about God and prayer, she says, "God does not want you for a fair-weather friend."
I never really thought about what that meant until years later, and then it hit me like a brick and stuck. Loving God, loving family, and loving friends only when they are perfect, only when life is going your way, only if they never hurt you, and only when it is convenient isn't really love. And it isn't what Christ wants for us.
Love comes in so many different forms...sometimes it is fast and overwhelming, sometimes it kind of sneaks up on us, no matter how we find it...there is power where there is love. And if you can truly show unconditional love in this world to all the people around you (spouses, children, family, close friends, acquaintances, even enemies) it has the ability to change the world...and also to change you.
In Anne of Green Gables, Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert set out to change Anne's life for the better and in the end it was their hearts and lives that were blessed.
A few years ago, I made the decision to love like this...like Christ. It isn't easy, it doesn't always come naturally, and it isn't without effort. In fact sometimes it takes a conscious choice to tell myself to love them anyway...but its result has overflowed my life and awakened my soul. See the thing is, God doesn't want us to love him only when life is going according to our plans....not just as a fair-weather friend. He wants a love that is deeper. And he wants us to love people the same way.
To love another with complete abandonment, without counting wrongs, without counting faults, is the most freeing, most powerful feeling you could ever have. And the truth is, you are loved like that. It's in the greatest love story that ever existed. A love story in which a man gave his life so that YOU might live.
So make the choice. Choose to love.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
When Hank Eats Your Seatbelts
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11
I think the expression is "getting the rug pulled out from under you", but in our house it's "getting your seatbelts chewed up". Let me explain...
My beautiful little family is new to the world of biking as a pastime. This summer we frequented Craigslist until we had outfitted everyone in the family with a bike appropriate to their own height and ability. (As usual, I am proud of my thrifty finds.) Well, also from Craigslist, we adopted a dog-Hank the Husky/Lab mix.
Hank was in pretty rough shape when we found him. He was missing most of the fur from his neck, had quite a few large scars, and was pretty anxious when left alone. I fell in love with him immediately. (God gave me a heart for those that need me.)
It just so happened that our first family bike trip coincided with our first overnight with Hank. We were heading up to Redwing, Minnesota to ride some trails and all were very excited. Not being the greatest planners out there, we figured we would find somewhere to stay when we arrived, but what we found was that none of the hotels allowed pets.
So, we had two choices:
1. Try to sneak Hank into the hotel or...
2. Hank would sleep in the van.
Seeing as Hank is almost a 100 lb. dog, we opted for number two. (On a sidenote for all you animal lovers, I love dogs. We made sure that he had plenty of exercise during the day, food and water, and was in no danger of overheating.)
When I went out to walk Hank early the next morning, it wasn't pretty. Hank had eaten through 7 of the 8 seatbelts in the van. Talk about feeling panicked! Hours from home on a Sunday, have to go back, no way to travel safely.
I find this dilemma to be the perfect analogy to when we lose our security in our lives one way or another. Have you had that feeling? Maybe you've just been diagnosed with cancer or you've found out you can't have children. Maybe you've experienced the death of a loved one or you've lost a job and can't find work. Maybe your spouse has had an affair or you've gotten in a fight with someone you care about. Whatever it is, Hank has eaten your seatbelts, you've lost your security, and you don't feel safe.
What do you do?
In the seatbelt situation, we called our car insurance provider. With very little faith that something like this would be covered, we called them up. To our surprise, it was! (And a good thing because the final bill came to $1600!)
What do you do if it's one of those bigger things? Call your REAL insurance provider. In other words, call on God for help.
I have found in every moment of fear and helplessness, God has come through in the end to take care of things for me. And as I look back? He sent help while I waited. It doesn't always feel like help is coming and it is hard to hold onto faith, but if you are paying attention you will notice strategic people put into place to help see you through the hard times. Family that supports you through everything, a co-worker that helps make sure you have a positive start to your day or lends an ear at the end of a rough one, a child that throws their arms around you just to make sure you know you are loved, an old buddy that stops by to visit on his way through town, a church full of people who make you feel welcome, a spouse who loves you unconditionally...all provide you with strength. And I believe that all are strategically sent to remind us that help is on the way. That God is there to take care of you when mayhem strikes your emotional life...and he is 100% dependable.
I think the expression is "getting the rug pulled out from under you", but in our house it's "getting your seatbelts chewed up". Let me explain...
My beautiful little family is new to the world of biking as a pastime. This summer we frequented Craigslist until we had outfitted everyone in the family with a bike appropriate to their own height and ability. (As usual, I am proud of my thrifty finds.) Well, also from Craigslist, we adopted a dog-Hank the Husky/Lab mix.
Hank was in pretty rough shape when we found him. He was missing most of the fur from his neck, had quite a few large scars, and was pretty anxious when left alone. I fell in love with him immediately. (God gave me a heart for those that need me.)
It just so happened that our first family bike trip coincided with our first overnight with Hank. We were heading up to Redwing, Minnesota to ride some trails and all were very excited. Not being the greatest planners out there, we figured we would find somewhere to stay when we arrived, but what we found was that none of the hotels allowed pets.
So, we had two choices:
1. Try to sneak Hank into the hotel or...
2. Hank would sleep in the van.
Seeing as Hank is almost a 100 lb. dog, we opted for number two. (On a sidenote for all you animal lovers, I love dogs. We made sure that he had plenty of exercise during the day, food and water, and was in no danger of overheating.)
When I went out to walk Hank early the next morning, it wasn't pretty. Hank had eaten through 7 of the 8 seatbelts in the van. Talk about feeling panicked! Hours from home on a Sunday, have to go back, no way to travel safely.
I find this dilemma to be the perfect analogy to when we lose our security in our lives one way or another. Have you had that feeling? Maybe you've just been diagnosed with cancer or you've found out you can't have children. Maybe you've experienced the death of a loved one or you've lost a job and can't find work. Maybe your spouse has had an affair or you've gotten in a fight with someone you care about. Whatever it is, Hank has eaten your seatbelts, you've lost your security, and you don't feel safe.
What do you do?
In the seatbelt situation, we called our car insurance provider. With very little faith that something like this would be covered, we called them up. To our surprise, it was! (And a good thing because the final bill came to $1600!)
What do you do if it's one of those bigger things? Call your REAL insurance provider. In other words, call on God for help.
I have found in every moment of fear and helplessness, God has come through in the end to take care of things for me. And as I look back? He sent help while I waited. It doesn't always feel like help is coming and it is hard to hold onto faith, but if you are paying attention you will notice strategic people put into place to help see you through the hard times. Family that supports you through everything, a co-worker that helps make sure you have a positive start to your day or lends an ear at the end of a rough one, a child that throws their arms around you just to make sure you know you are loved, an old buddy that stops by to visit on his way through town, a church full of people who make you feel welcome, a spouse who loves you unconditionally...all provide you with strength. And I believe that all are strategically sent to remind us that help is on the way. That God is there to take care of you when mayhem strikes your emotional life...and he is 100% dependable.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
The Ultimate Fan (Jesus and the Hawkeyes)
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength."
-Mark 12:30
We were sitting on our couch yesterday watching our Hawkeyes play a pretty good football game-excited about how things were going and the lead we were holding. Then the familiar happened...the young quarterback, who undoubtedly had played a great first game in what will hopefully be a fun career to watch, threw an interception that ultimately led to a score for the other team and losing the game within the last couple minutes of play.
"NOOOOOOOooooooooo!"
And yet, I wake up today and I'm still a Hawk fan.
How many of us are loyal fans? Day-in and day-out we take a stand by what we post on social media, by what we choose to wear, what we read about, and what we take time out of our day to watch; we are standing up for the team we are devoted to.
What would happen if we all showed that much passion and devotion to what we believe in? In Jesus?
I have always been a Christian by the meaning of the word. I believe that Jesus is God's Son and my only ticket to Heaven.
Reflecting a little on my life, however, not long ago I realized that I don't give it the same stand I used to when I was younger. What happened to me?
When I was younger, those who knew me knew what I stood for. I was always respectful of others' opinions about things, but they didn't have to ask what I thought. It was thinking about this change in me along with God pushing me to depend on him that led to this blog of mine. I've been asked why it has to be a "Christian blog" and the answer is simply this: I want to be that girl again. I don't want anyone to wonder what I stand for. I am proud to be a Jesus fan day-in and day-out because when it comes down to it, Jesus does the same for me.
It doesn't matter if I throw an interception and blow the game. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I make in my life, his devotion to me is endless. It's timeless-loyal beyond measure. He is an Andrea fan inspite of me.
He is a fan of yours inspite of you. And he longs for you to give him the same passion. The same devotion.
-Mark 12:30
We were sitting on our couch yesterday watching our Hawkeyes play a pretty good football game-excited about how things were going and the lead we were holding. Then the familiar happened...the young quarterback, who undoubtedly had played a great first game in what will hopefully be a fun career to watch, threw an interception that ultimately led to a score for the other team and losing the game within the last couple minutes of play.
"NOOOOOOOooooooooo!"
And yet, I wake up today and I'm still a Hawk fan.
How many of us are loyal fans? Day-in and day-out we take a stand by what we post on social media, by what we choose to wear, what we read about, and what we take time out of our day to watch; we are standing up for the team we are devoted to.
What would happen if we all showed that much passion and devotion to what we believe in? In Jesus?
I have always been a Christian by the meaning of the word. I believe that Jesus is God's Son and my only ticket to Heaven.
Reflecting a little on my life, however, not long ago I realized that I don't give it the same stand I used to when I was younger. What happened to me?
When I was younger, those who knew me knew what I stood for. I was always respectful of others' opinions about things, but they didn't have to ask what I thought. It was thinking about this change in me along with God pushing me to depend on him that led to this blog of mine. I've been asked why it has to be a "Christian blog" and the answer is simply this: I want to be that girl again. I don't want anyone to wonder what I stand for. I am proud to be a Jesus fan day-in and day-out because when it comes down to it, Jesus does the same for me.
It doesn't matter if I throw an interception and blow the game. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I make in my life, his devotion to me is endless. It's timeless-loyal beyond measure. He is an Andrea fan inspite of me.
He is a fan of yours inspite of you. And he longs for you to give him the same passion. The same devotion.
Friday, August 16, 2013
The Runaway Fishing Pole (A.K.A. My Comical Life)
"I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain." Psalms 3:4
He was bringing in perch off the dock about every minute. Pure joy and pride on my six year old's face every time that bobber went under. It didn't matter to him that each one was between two and six inches long, only that they were biting over and over again. The start of a deep love for fishing.
Naturally, someone had to stand there and take the fish off the hook every time. I found myself in this lovely spot and was enjoying it immensely. As a mom, it is impossible not to feel joy when you see your kids so excited about something. So, when he accidentally threw his kid fishing pole into the water with his next cast, I did what any mom would do to save him from disappointment. I reacted without thinking. :-)
In a moment, I found myself plunged head-first under the water with only my legs from knee down holding me onto the dock. Reaching...reaching...almost got it...
Nope, come up for air...
Plunge back in...reach, reach....then...
(panic) "MOM! THE BOBBER'S UNDER! THE BOBBER'S UNDER!"
Oh, boy.
Plunge and reach as far as I can....SUCCESS! I grasp the handle of the pole on the bottom of the lake.
The problem? I can't get out of the position I have gotten myself into! My arms weren't long enough to reach back to the dock and pull myself back. So, laughing and screaming for my son to take the pole and someone on shore to come help me, I flapped my arms as my head bobbed in and out of the water.
Of course, help came and I was rescued from my impulsive dive.
What do you plunge into without thinking about it because it will bring love and joy to someone you love? It is so easy to do with my kids. For so many parents, it would come naturally, and when all is said and done, we wouldn't regret it one bit. I didn't, he caught the fish.
It amuses me to think about how I do this in my everyday life. I plunge...often. And, without fail, I often find myself calling to Jesus for help as I flap my arms. What a comical scene it must be from Heaven! I picture them all up there laughing at my idiocracy as they faithfully bail me out.
And there is the truth. No matter how often we get ourselves up a creak without a paddle, when we cry out to him for help, Jesus is faithful and answers our call. And he will the next time, and the next, and the next...
He was bringing in perch off the dock about every minute. Pure joy and pride on my six year old's face every time that bobber went under. It didn't matter to him that each one was between two and six inches long, only that they were biting over and over again. The start of a deep love for fishing.
Naturally, someone had to stand there and take the fish off the hook every time. I found myself in this lovely spot and was enjoying it immensely. As a mom, it is impossible not to feel joy when you see your kids so excited about something. So, when he accidentally threw his kid fishing pole into the water with his next cast, I did what any mom would do to save him from disappointment. I reacted without thinking. :-)
In a moment, I found myself plunged head-first under the water with only my legs from knee down holding me onto the dock. Reaching...reaching...almost got it...
Nope, come up for air...
Plunge back in...reach, reach....then...
(panic) "MOM! THE BOBBER'S UNDER! THE BOBBER'S UNDER!"
Oh, boy.
Plunge and reach as far as I can....SUCCESS! I grasp the handle of the pole on the bottom of the lake.
The problem? I can't get out of the position I have gotten myself into! My arms weren't long enough to reach back to the dock and pull myself back. So, laughing and screaming for my son to take the pole and someone on shore to come help me, I flapped my arms as my head bobbed in and out of the water.
Of course, help came and I was rescued from my impulsive dive.
What do you plunge into without thinking about it because it will bring love and joy to someone you love? It is so easy to do with my kids. For so many parents, it would come naturally, and when all is said and done, we wouldn't regret it one bit. I didn't, he caught the fish.
It amuses me to think about how I do this in my everyday life. I plunge...often. And, without fail, I often find myself calling to Jesus for help as I flap my arms. What a comical scene it must be from Heaven! I picture them all up there laughing at my idiocracy as they faithfully bail me out.
And there is the truth. No matter how often we get ourselves up a creak without a paddle, when we cry out to him for help, Jesus is faithful and answers our call. And he will the next time, and the next, and the next...
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Hope in Something or Someone
Patience has never been my strong suit. I do okay with patience as a mom and teacher, but when it comes to my life going according to plan, I am pretty pathetic at being patient.
You're probably aware that as we go through life some memories stick out more than others. Important events tend to have a more detailed presence in our brains than those of less importance. I couldn't tell you what the hospital room looked like when I had my wisdom teeth taken out or what I wore to a birthday party in the second grade, but I can tell you the color of the couch, curtains, floor, flowers, etc. in the conference room at Iowa City where I sat down with the genetics team to learn about my son Miles' future outlook. I remember what the team was wearing, the details of their jewelry, the sounds in the background....
It was a memorable event in my life because it forced me to face the biggest obstacle in my life: patience.
As I sat there, they told me that no one on record in the world had ever been missing the same part of their chromosome in the way Miles was. In other words, they had nobody to compare him to and therefore no idea what his outlook was. They didn't know if he had full mental capacity or extremely limited. They didn't know if the heart defect was related or not. (Although in all likelihood, it was.) They couldn't tell me if the impact of the deletion would be noticeable right away or undetectable his whole life. "He may be 5 years old before we know what he is capable of."
This was my worst case scenario...forced to be patient...to wait and see. As a person, I want to know what to expect RIGHT NOW so I can prepare myself for it. You could give me the worst news possible and it would be better for me than the unknown is.
This is one of the ways I am greatly flawed as an individual in my ability to handle life's curves, because more often than not, there is a wait....a lull in the chaos.
A friend recommended that my husband and I read Pete Wilson's book, "Plan B" this summer. It has been helpful in so many ways, but in one of my favorite chapters Wilson uses the analogy of chaos at the cross to chaos in our lives. He quotes scripture and describes all the different emotions of the day of Jesus' death and then asks us as the reader to think about how the disciples must have been feeling. He suggests that we often hear about the Friday death on the cross and Sunday's miraculous rise from death, but points out we never hear about Saturday. What must the disciples have been feeling after the chaos of death?! Jesus had been the devotion of their life and now he was dead. Saturday must have been so hopeless, so helpless to them.
So many of us suffer from this "Saturday-ness" in our present cirumstances. Waiting for God to answer our prayers...feeling hopeless and helpless.
Wilson then describes two forms of hope:
1. Hope in something.
2. Hope in someone.
In our chaotic circumstances (and everyone will go through something), we often have only hope to accompany us. The difference is in which hope we cling to.
In my situation with Miles, it was Saturday. I was clinging to hope in something...hope that he would be okay, hope that he would be normal, hope that it didn't mean anything we couldn't handle. Eventually, I was left without hope because my hope was in someTHING instead of someONE. Hope in something can disappoint us.
Hope in SOMEONE never will.
Jesus is the hope, the one promise, that will never let us down. In the midst of your chaos, Jesus is where you can always cling to hope because he is the symbol of God's unfailing love. His death at the cross shows that there are no limits to what God will do for us. His resurrection shows how powerful God really is.
So...in your circumstance I cannot promise that hope in Jesus will take away your cancer. It doesn't mean that the person that has wronged you will tell the truth. It doesn't mean that your son will live. It doesn't imply that you will get the job you've been looking for. It means that God loves you and has a plan....and in this there is unending hope.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
There's a Grizzly Bear Chasing Me
"The Lord is my light and my salvation-so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?" -Psalm 27:1
When I was pregnant with my son, the first of four, my parents took our whole family to spend a week at Glacier National Park in Montana. I had put on 100 pounds and was 8+ months pregnant. It was the end of July and it was hot. We crammed 8 adults into a Yukon Denali and drove the 20 or so hours from Iowa to Montana...stopping more frequently than wanted to accommodate the pregnant lady.
A couple of days into our stay, we went on a family hike up the mountain. Now, I am a very stubborn and determined girl (probably even more so when I am pregnant), and I refused to be left behind with my feet up. So...we all went. About eight miles up the mountain, I had gone about as far as my body could take. My mom being the worry wart and extremely selfless person that she is turned around with me while the others continued on.
When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we stopped in front of the chalet to soak our feet in the lake. It was about 100 degrees that day so the water felt great to relax and the view was amazing. We enjoyed our conversation while a family swam next to us and 20-30 tourists with binoculars stood at the side of a dirt road watching for bears up the mountainside.
Pretty soon, the mother of the kids next to us starting speaking loudly in a foreign language and all of them scurried up to the chalet. Interesting, but we paid no mind and continued enjoying our paradise. A few minutes later a gal in her twenties with a camera around her neck walked briskly by and said, "You really ought to be more careful," as she passed. Hmmmm...we looked at each other dumbfounded. Careful of what? We could see the bears meandering around about halfway up the mountain and we were well away from the road.
That's when we looked out at the lake. Nothing jumps fear into the heart quicker than looking out at a lake of glass and seeing two black eyes, a long nose, and brown, fuzzy ears 15 feet away coming at you like a shark fin. A pregnant lady has never moved so fast! My mom and I had time to grab our shoes and get up the five feet of rock by the lake and the 500 lb. grizzly was shaking water off of him right where we were sitting.
Fortunately, a ranger happened upon him (and us) at that moment and the proper people chased him safely up the mountain. We returned safely to the balcony of the chalet where (out of sight from us at the lake) hundreds of people had been watching the grizzly swim and the ranger had been ready for him. (No doubt the crazy pregnant lady and her mother are on a youtube video I don't know about.)
Did we feel foolish? Of course. Were we thankful for coming out of it unharmed? Of course. Does it make a great story to tell? YES!
Especially because I think we all can relate.
In our lives, every day, there are grizzly bears coming after us. People and things that will harm us and cause us pain. So many times, we miss the warnings and end up in a place no one would want to be. Hurt...scared...panicking.
But God waits for us...patiently knowing that we need him. In these moments of fear when we are under attack, we only need to turn to the one who can give us shelter and safety...the one who knows our pain, and we need not be afraid.
Wherever you are in life. Whatever big or small things cause you anxiety and fear...seek shelter in the God who loves you and can keep you safe from harm.
When I was pregnant with my son, the first of four, my parents took our whole family to spend a week at Glacier National Park in Montana. I had put on 100 pounds and was 8+ months pregnant. It was the end of July and it was hot. We crammed 8 adults into a Yukon Denali and drove the 20 or so hours from Iowa to Montana...stopping more frequently than wanted to accommodate the pregnant lady.
A couple of days into our stay, we went on a family hike up the mountain. Now, I am a very stubborn and determined girl (probably even more so when I am pregnant), and I refused to be left behind with my feet up. So...we all went. About eight miles up the mountain, I had gone about as far as my body could take. My mom being the worry wart and extremely selfless person that she is turned around with me while the others continued on.
When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we stopped in front of the chalet to soak our feet in the lake. It was about 100 degrees that day so the water felt great to relax and the view was amazing. We enjoyed our conversation while a family swam next to us and 20-30 tourists with binoculars stood at the side of a dirt road watching for bears up the mountainside.
Pretty soon, the mother of the kids next to us starting speaking loudly in a foreign language and all of them scurried up to the chalet. Interesting, but we paid no mind and continued enjoying our paradise. A few minutes later a gal in her twenties with a camera around her neck walked briskly by and said, "You really ought to be more careful," as she passed. Hmmmm...we looked at each other dumbfounded. Careful of what? We could see the bears meandering around about halfway up the mountain and we were well away from the road.
That's when we looked out at the lake. Nothing jumps fear into the heart quicker than looking out at a lake of glass and seeing two black eyes, a long nose, and brown, fuzzy ears 15 feet away coming at you like a shark fin. A pregnant lady has never moved so fast! My mom and I had time to grab our shoes and get up the five feet of rock by the lake and the 500 lb. grizzly was shaking water off of him right where we were sitting.
Fortunately, a ranger happened upon him (and us) at that moment and the proper people chased him safely up the mountain. We returned safely to the balcony of the chalet where (out of sight from us at the lake) hundreds of people had been watching the grizzly swim and the ranger had been ready for him. (No doubt the crazy pregnant lady and her mother are on a youtube video I don't know about.)
Did we feel foolish? Of course. Were we thankful for coming out of it unharmed? Of course. Does it make a great story to tell? YES!
Especially because I think we all can relate.
In our lives, every day, there are grizzly bears coming after us. People and things that will harm us and cause us pain. So many times, we miss the warnings and end up in a place no one would want to be. Hurt...scared...panicking.
But God waits for us...patiently knowing that we need him. In these moments of fear when we are under attack, we only need to turn to the one who can give us shelter and safety...the one who knows our pain, and we need not be afraid.
Wherever you are in life. Whatever big or small things cause you anxiety and fear...seek shelter in the God who loves you and can keep you safe from harm.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Dear 7th Grade Girls
"What is the price of 5 sparrows? Couple of pennies? Yet God does not forget a single one of them. The very hairs on your head are all numbered so don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows." -Luke 12:6-7
"Don't just pretend to love others, really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9-10
So many moments we have as teachers give us the opportunity to impact our students. This year, more than ever, I found myself feeling as if I couldn't say what I wanted to. So...here's what they said, what I said, and what I would have said if I could have...
7th grade girls, I heard you say:
I can't. My legs are too chubby. She has better hair than me. I'm not eating lunch today. It's okay, she knows I am joking. We're not friends. My parents wouldn't understand. I'm too ugly. It's okay, she's always like that. I know I'll drink in high school. We can't work together. I'm not good enough to do that. I'm going to fail. No one will listen. Who cares. People will laugh. I hate school. My lunch table is mean to me. I have no friends. People don't like me. I'm fat. She's fat. I'm not in the popular group. She's a nerd. Please don't sit me next to her.
What I said:
Try. I like your outfit today. Your hair looks nice. Go eat something. It's still not acceptable in my classroom. Love each other. Try talking to them. You're not ugly. It's not okay with me. Not appropriate. Learn to work together. Try. You might with that attitude. I'm listening. People care. No they won't. I'm sorry to hear that. Could you sit with someone else today? I doubt that. People like you. You're not fat. Be nice. It won't always be like this. She's smart, there's a difference. Be respectful.
What I wanted to say:
You are beautiful, smart, funny, and talented and God loves you. He made you perfect inside and out. When you feel like you don't belong, when you feel like you have no friends, when you feel like you can't do something, when you lack confidence in yourself, Jesus is there. In this life, people will put you down. They will hurt your feelings. They will belittle your self-worth and diminish your confidence. You will feel like an outsider. You will have moments where you feel inadequate, ugly, dumb, fat, and insignificant. It is not true. They are not correct. Whatever you do, beautiful girl, don't add to it. Don't let the voice in your head be the one telling you that you can't do something, that you're ugly, that you're insignificant...that's a lie. And don't be the voice that says these things to others. Instead, know that you are a perfect child of God and he loves you and cherishes you. You have value.
"Don't just pretend to love others, really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9-10
So many moments we have as teachers give us the opportunity to impact our students. This year, more than ever, I found myself feeling as if I couldn't say what I wanted to. So...here's what they said, what I said, and what I would have said if I could have...
7th grade girls, I heard you say:
I can't. My legs are too chubby. She has better hair than me. I'm not eating lunch today. It's okay, she knows I am joking. We're not friends. My parents wouldn't understand. I'm too ugly. It's okay, she's always like that. I know I'll drink in high school. We can't work together. I'm not good enough to do that. I'm going to fail. No one will listen. Who cares. People will laugh. I hate school. My lunch table is mean to me. I have no friends. People don't like me. I'm fat. She's fat. I'm not in the popular group. She's a nerd. Please don't sit me next to her.
What I said:
Try. I like your outfit today. Your hair looks nice. Go eat something. It's still not acceptable in my classroom. Love each other. Try talking to them. You're not ugly. It's not okay with me. Not appropriate. Learn to work together. Try. You might with that attitude. I'm listening. People care. No they won't. I'm sorry to hear that. Could you sit with someone else today? I doubt that. People like you. You're not fat. Be nice. It won't always be like this. She's smart, there's a difference. Be respectful.
What I wanted to say:
You are beautiful, smart, funny, and talented and God loves you. He made you perfect inside and out. When you feel like you don't belong, when you feel like you have no friends, when you feel like you can't do something, when you lack confidence in yourself, Jesus is there. In this life, people will put you down. They will hurt your feelings. They will belittle your self-worth and diminish your confidence. You will feel like an outsider. You will have moments where you feel inadequate, ugly, dumb, fat, and insignificant. It is not true. They are not correct. Whatever you do, beautiful girl, don't add to it. Don't let the voice in your head be the one telling you that you can't do something, that you're ugly, that you're insignificant...that's a lie. And don't be the voice that says these things to others. Instead, know that you are a perfect child of God and he loves you and cherishes you. You have value.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Grace vs. Grumbling
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up." -1 Thessalonians 5:11
"Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:6
I never used to consider myself to be a negative person. I'm mostly a glass half-full kind of gal, but a couple of years ago I was teaching in a different district and a co-worker came to me needing to vent about the terrible morning she had had. (And it was.) I felt really bad for how things had gone and she was needing someone to listen, but instead of trying to encourage her, I responded by telling her about the awful morning that I had had. (And it was.)
I will never forget her response. She looked at me and said, "I can never win with you."
She was very pleasant and we continued with a great working relationship and friendship, but the conversation has always haunted me. Why did I need to one-up her? Why couldn't I just show her the compassion she needed and encourage her to get through her day? Instead I had put my own needs first and I hadn't helped her at all.
People need encouragement. People need grace. God wants us to show love to those around us, to build our neighbors up.
I have an aunt who is a remarkable woman of grace. She always thinks of others first and reaches out to them with a card, words of encouragement, and unbelievable thoughtfulness. The way she loves others is one of the most heroic things I have had the privilege to witness. I have always wanted to be like her.
It is a choice how you treat others. Which one will you be? The person who reaches out to your neighbor with grace and encouragement? Or the person who adds to their misery, complaining and whining about your own needs.
Though I am not perfect, I will forever strive to be a woman of grace; thankful to those around me who have done the same.
"Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you know how to answer everyone." -Colossians 4:6
I never used to consider myself to be a negative person. I'm mostly a glass half-full kind of gal, but a couple of years ago I was teaching in a different district and a co-worker came to me needing to vent about the terrible morning she had had. (And it was.) I felt really bad for how things had gone and she was needing someone to listen, but instead of trying to encourage her, I responded by telling her about the awful morning that I had had. (And it was.)
I will never forget her response. She looked at me and said, "I can never win with you."
She was very pleasant and we continued with a great working relationship and friendship, but the conversation has always haunted me. Why did I need to one-up her? Why couldn't I just show her the compassion she needed and encourage her to get through her day? Instead I had put my own needs first and I hadn't helped her at all.
People need encouragement. People need grace. God wants us to show love to those around us, to build our neighbors up.
I have an aunt who is a remarkable woman of grace. She always thinks of others first and reaches out to them with a card, words of encouragement, and unbelievable thoughtfulness. The way she loves others is one of the most heroic things I have had the privilege to witness. I have always wanted to be like her.
It is a choice how you treat others. Which one will you be? The person who reaches out to your neighbor with grace and encouragement? Or the person who adds to their misery, complaining and whining about your own needs.
Though I am not perfect, I will forever strive to be a woman of grace; thankful to those around me who have done the same.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Signs-Do you believe in them?
"Call to me and I shall answer you; and show you great and mighty things..." -Jeremiah 33:3
There are times when I cry out to God for help and I don't get the answer I am looking for. How do you keep the faith when that happens? You remember that God has brought you through everything you've struggled with in the past and that he promises to never leave you in the future. You look for little signs around you to assure you that he is in control.
Life sure can be heavy. Sometimes situations arise that are the result of poor decisions and we have to face the consequences. More often, things happen to us that are completely out of our control. Either way, God loves us and does not cause the pain. Nor does he want to see us in pain. In fact, it is in these moments that I most often feel God's presence with me. He comes to me in my circumstances and reminds me that I am not alone. Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes I have to really look for it....but it always comes. When these things happen to you...these little "coincidences"...over and over again, you begin to realize that they are too intentional, too perfect, too purposeful to be random occurrences. You know that God is speaking directly to you and it gives you such a sense of peace that it is near-impossible to continue feeling desperate.
One of the most obvious I have experienced happened this past spring. My little family was picnicking at a local state park and I was so overcome by "life" that I was really struggling to be in the moment. I have always been the one to climb onto the playground equipment, play tag, hide 'n' seek, etc, but on this occasion I was feeling so desperate that I couldn't will myself to laugh and play with my kids. In addition to this, I felt so guilty for not being able to pull myself out of it that I began to beat myself up about my failure as a mother. Many moms feel so exhausted at the end of the day that they don't always have the energy, but this was different. I had energy, just no will. In fact, I walked away from the playground leaving them with my hubby and headed into the woods by myself.
Nature has always been my praying place and I found myself sobbing to Jesus for help.
"Jesus, I can't do this. Please help." (Simple is usually how I end up praying when it comes from the heart) I began repeating those words over and over again.
Not a second went by and a cardinal was in view. I questioned the coincidence. (Many signs for people come from birds that mean something to them...blue birds, eagles, HUMMINGBIRDS...cardinals have always had a place in my heart as well.) While the timing was perfect, it could still be chance...at least until I witnessed what happened next.
The beautiful, red bird began to sing and I stood and listened. Then the bird flew back to the start of the woods. I followed. The bird flew to a tree closer to the playground. I followed. Believing now that it wasn't coincidence, I went and got my family and we walked back over to the tree where I pointed it out to each of my children. The bird didn't budge even when my always-too-loud family began running around. It just sang its song, uninhibited by our presence. After awhile, my kids lost interest and wandered back to the swings and slides.
Wait for it now...the bird followed them and perched itself on top of the swings, right with my children! Flabbergasted, I said aloud, "Okay Jesus, thanks for the sign. I'm here now." I smiled and began to play with my family. The bird stayed for awhile before perching on our picnic table and singing for a few minutes then moving back to its tree. It continued to serenade us the remainder of our time at the park and just to pack a punch, flew by in front of our vehicle as we left the parking lot. (I know you're thinking "yeah right" but trust me, I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.)
As I think about the reassuring love of a savior, I am overwhelmed by his patience with my doubting spirit and his unending promises to never leave. If you find yourself in any circumstance where you feel desperate, cry out. I can assure you he hears you.
There are times when I cry out to God for help and I don't get the answer I am looking for. How do you keep the faith when that happens? You remember that God has brought you through everything you've struggled with in the past and that he promises to never leave you in the future. You look for little signs around you to assure you that he is in control.
Life sure can be heavy. Sometimes situations arise that are the result of poor decisions and we have to face the consequences. More often, things happen to us that are completely out of our control. Either way, God loves us and does not cause the pain. Nor does he want to see us in pain. In fact, it is in these moments that I most often feel God's presence with me. He comes to me in my circumstances and reminds me that I am not alone. Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes I have to really look for it....but it always comes. When these things happen to you...these little "coincidences"...over and over again, you begin to realize that they are too intentional, too perfect, too purposeful to be random occurrences. You know that God is speaking directly to you and it gives you such a sense of peace that it is near-impossible to continue feeling desperate.
One of the most obvious I have experienced happened this past spring. My little family was picnicking at a local state park and I was so overcome by "life" that I was really struggling to be in the moment. I have always been the one to climb onto the playground equipment, play tag, hide 'n' seek, etc, but on this occasion I was feeling so desperate that I couldn't will myself to laugh and play with my kids. In addition to this, I felt so guilty for not being able to pull myself out of it that I began to beat myself up about my failure as a mother. Many moms feel so exhausted at the end of the day that they don't always have the energy, but this was different. I had energy, just no will. In fact, I walked away from the playground leaving them with my hubby and headed into the woods by myself.
Nature has always been my praying place and I found myself sobbing to Jesus for help.
"Jesus, I can't do this. Please help." (Simple is usually how I end up praying when it comes from the heart) I began repeating those words over and over again.
Not a second went by and a cardinal was in view. I questioned the coincidence. (Many signs for people come from birds that mean something to them...blue birds, eagles, HUMMINGBIRDS...cardinals have always had a place in my heart as well.) While the timing was perfect, it could still be chance...at least until I witnessed what happened next.
The beautiful, red bird began to sing and I stood and listened. Then the bird flew back to the start of the woods. I followed. The bird flew to a tree closer to the playground. I followed. Believing now that it wasn't coincidence, I went and got my family and we walked back over to the tree where I pointed it out to each of my children. The bird didn't budge even when my always-too-loud family began running around. It just sang its song, uninhibited by our presence. After awhile, my kids lost interest and wandered back to the swings and slides.
Wait for it now...the bird followed them and perched itself on top of the swings, right with my children! Flabbergasted, I said aloud, "Okay Jesus, thanks for the sign. I'm here now." I smiled and began to play with my family. The bird stayed for awhile before perching on our picnic table and singing for a few minutes then moving back to its tree. It continued to serenade us the remainder of our time at the park and just to pack a punch, flew by in front of our vehicle as we left the parking lot. (I know you're thinking "yeah right" but trust me, I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.)
As I think about the reassuring love of a savior, I am overwhelmed by his patience with my doubting spirit and his unending promises to never leave. If you find yourself in any circumstance where you feel desperate, cry out. I can assure you he hears you.
Monday, July 1, 2013
The Velveteen Rabbit
"Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory." -1 Peter 1:8
"There is salvation in no one else! There is no other name in all of heaven for people to call on to save them." -Acts 4:12
{Jesus speaking} "Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them. And I will reveal myself to each one of them." -John 14:21
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." -John 15:5
I grew up a PK. (Pastor's Kid) This means that I grew up in the church. My dad is an amazing person, pastor, dad, etc. He has a way of telling people about the love and hope of Jesus that reaches people. God truly has gifted him and speaks through him.
In spite of this surrounding me while growing up, I am human. I make choices and have lived my life in my own little bubble. Life has been mine to control. I have always believed that Jesus was God's son, but I didn't really feel the impact of that until...well until I opened my eyes and saw the truth-that Jesus wanted more than just my belief in him. He wanted a relationship with me....a bonding, communicating, tangible relationship.
I have friends, children, and a husband that I have this conversation with on a regular basis. For whatever reason, they were, at one point, where I was. Believing in the truth, but not understanding that a real relationship was possible with Jesus. Some just practice religion and think that if they show up on Sunday and do their part, that it is enough.
If this is you, I am not here to tell you that you are wrong or that you are not going to go to heaven. God says that all we have to do is believe AND I am not the ultimate judge or going to pretend to be God. I am just saying YOU COULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE!
How? And what difference would it make?
Do you remember reading The Velveteen Rabbit as a child?
The toy rabbit wants so much to be real and asks the horse how this happens:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"There is salvation in no one else! There is no other name in all of heaven for people to call on to save them." -Acts 4:12
{Jesus speaking} "Those who obey my commandments are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them, and I will love them. And I will reveal myself to each one of them." -John 14:21
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." -John 15:5
I grew up a PK. (Pastor's Kid) This means that I grew up in the church. My dad is an amazing person, pastor, dad, etc. He has a way of telling people about the love and hope of Jesus that reaches people. God truly has gifted him and speaks through him.
In spite of this surrounding me while growing up, I am human. I make choices and have lived my life in my own little bubble. Life has been mine to control. I have always believed that Jesus was God's son, but I didn't really feel the impact of that until...well until I opened my eyes and saw the truth-that Jesus wanted more than just my belief in him. He wanted a relationship with me....a bonding, communicating, tangible relationship.
I have friends, children, and a husband that I have this conversation with on a regular basis. For whatever reason, they were, at one point, where I was. Believing in the truth, but not understanding that a real relationship was possible with Jesus. Some just practice religion and think that if they show up on Sunday and do their part, that it is enough.
If this is you, I am not here to tell you that you are wrong or that you are not going to go to heaven. God says that all we have to do is believe AND I am not the ultimate judge or going to pretend to be God. I am just saying YOU COULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE!
How? And what difference would it make?
Do you remember reading The Velveteen Rabbit as a child?
The toy rabbit wants so much to be real and asks the horse how this happens:
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
Having a relationship with Jesus is like becoming real in the story. The more time you spend with Jesus-talking, praying, studying his word, spending time with other believers-the more real and tangible your relationship becomes. How does this benefit you? Try it. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes in your life.
You don't have to say anything fancy. Just breathe, pause and talk to him. Slowly you will begin to understand the impact it has in every moment of your life. It is in this relationship that you can find joy, peace, strength, endurance, and the truest form of love. Until you know the love of Jesus, it is impossible for you to truly love others with complete abandonment. The transformation is astounding.
Jesus longs for you to seek him. What are you waiting for? Whatever you have pressing on you...whatever is stressful...whatever you can't let go of...whatever you need help with...this is the answer.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Amazing Center Fielder
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a town with a FANTASTIC high school softball coach. Although I was a "four sporter" in high school, softball was something I did because I loved it, not because I was great at it. I told my seventh grade students this year that I made the record books in high school for strike outs. They were thinking I was awesome or "sick" in a good way (I'm getting old), until I told them I wasn't a pitcher and was talking about striking out as a batter. Yep, I would swing for the fence every time. Sometimes it did go over, but a lot of the time I missed the ball.
Now I enjoy watching baseball and softball with a greater appreciation for the massive wealth of knowledge my coach taught us about the game. I feel like I would be a great softball coach because of everything I learned from my coach, except I would never be able to hit fly balls. (see whiffing story above)
One of the things he was adamant about was communication on the field. Everyone was talking constantly. I particularly remember that when the ball was in the air, someone on the field was screaming "I've got it!" as loud as they could. Because this was ingrained in our brains, we took delight in moments where the other team missed simple fly balls because of lack of communication on the field. We've all seen it somewhere-bloopers reels, little league, even the majors at times-lack of communication and the ball simply falls, no one catches it. When they show a replay, you can see it in the players' faces. Everyone thinks someone else is going to catch it and no one says anything. A horrible moment for the fielding team.
In my day-to-day life, I live in fear of this happening. So many life experiences have taught me to fear the ball coming. I get so nervous that it is going to drop, that I don't have confidence in myself or confidence that life will be okay. I am just plain-old scared of life's circumstances.
We all have that fly ball hanging over our heads in some form or another. Finances, jobs, relationships, disappointments...
...but we have a secret weapon on our team.
Jesus is in center field.
He is our MVP, our go-to guy. He doesn't drop the ball. And he is coming barreling in at full speed shouting, "I got it, I've got this!" He will catch whatever hit you are expecting to drop, and He won't miss. You don't have to be afraid, but can walk with confidence knowing you play for the winning team. Your teammate makes you strong. Everything will turn out okay.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a town with a FANTASTIC high school softball coach. Although I was a "four sporter" in high school, softball was something I did because I loved it, not because I was great at it. I told my seventh grade students this year that I made the record books in high school for strike outs. They were thinking I was awesome or "sick" in a good way (I'm getting old), until I told them I wasn't a pitcher and was talking about striking out as a batter. Yep, I would swing for the fence every time. Sometimes it did go over, but a lot of the time I missed the ball.
Now I enjoy watching baseball and softball with a greater appreciation for the massive wealth of knowledge my coach taught us about the game. I feel like I would be a great softball coach because of everything I learned from my coach, except I would never be able to hit fly balls. (see whiffing story above)
One of the things he was adamant about was communication on the field. Everyone was talking constantly. I particularly remember that when the ball was in the air, someone on the field was screaming "I've got it!" as loud as they could. Because this was ingrained in our brains, we took delight in moments where the other team missed simple fly balls because of lack of communication on the field. We've all seen it somewhere-bloopers reels, little league, even the majors at times-lack of communication and the ball simply falls, no one catches it. When they show a replay, you can see it in the players' faces. Everyone thinks someone else is going to catch it and no one says anything. A horrible moment for the fielding team.
In my day-to-day life, I live in fear of this happening. So many life experiences have taught me to fear the ball coming. I get so nervous that it is going to drop, that I don't have confidence in myself or confidence that life will be okay. I am just plain-old scared of life's circumstances.
We all have that fly ball hanging over our heads in some form or another. Finances, jobs, relationships, disappointments...
...but we have a secret weapon on our team.
Jesus is in center field.
He is our MVP, our go-to guy. He doesn't drop the ball. And he is coming barreling in at full speed shouting, "I got it, I've got this!" He will catch whatever hit you are expecting to drop, and He won't miss. You don't have to be afraid, but can walk with confidence knowing you play for the winning team. Your teammate makes you strong. Everything will turn out okay.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Separation Anxiety
"Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them,
walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him
walking on the lake, they were terrified. 'It’s a ghost,' they said, and
cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take
courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'
'Lord, if it’s you,' Peter replied, 'tell me to
come to you on the water.'
'Come,' he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on
the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he
was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught
him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind
died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him,
saying, 'Truly you are the Son of God.'"
Matthew 14:22-33
My nine month old son is crawling around the
living room like a champ, but like our other children at this age, if he feels
alone or doesn't see one of us in the room, he starts crying. Separation
anxiety. He will sit there and cry until someone calls out to him and we
are in his line of sight again.
This happened the other morning when we were busy
about the house, trying to get folded laundry put away. (a never ending
task) I heard him loudly crying out and returned to the living room.
He had gotten himself so worked up that he couldn't find me when I called
to him so I quickly got to the floor and laid on my belly, down at his level.
"I'm right here!" I called,
"You're okay!" The largest, heart-warming grin came over his
face and he immediately picked himself up off his belly and crawled to me
across the room. We giggled and laughed together and he knew he was fine.
It reminded me so much of the story of Jesus
walking on water and Peter taking his eyes off of Jesus. Without Jesus in
sight, Peter lost faith and began to sink, crying out for help.
How many of us suffer from separation anxiety
from Jesus and don't even realize it?
There have been times in our lives when we are
crying out like my little son; depressed, worried, scared, angry...desperate to
know we are not alone. But Jesus is right there on His belly, down at our
level calling, "I'm right here!" "You're okay!" He
wants nothing more than for us to pick ourselves up off our bellies and come
crawling to Him as fast as we can so He can scoop us up.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
This Thrifty Heart
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15
I am addicted to second-hand stuff. This mama of four is in heaven on garage sale weekend. When our tax refund came in, the only place I thought of shopping at was Goodwill. And don't even get me started on how often I am on Craigslist looking for a steal after the kids are in bed.
Sometimes it is necessity. In fact, to be honest, tomorrow is pay day and we've been scootin' along the last week just hoping to get there. I think a lot more people are in the same boat than our society realizes or admits. It is not that we spend carelessly, things just add up quickly and then life gets in the way of our best laid saving plans.
So, I have become obsessive with the good deal. I love Pinterest, watch Flea Market Flip as much as my hubby watches Cubs baseball at night, and could probably count on one hand the number of items in my closet I spent over $15 on. (not exaggerating) I am pretty proud of myself when I walk out the door knowing that I am head-to-toe less than $25.
In this soul searching, however, I find there are times when I am also thrifty with my heart...and that's not good. My stubborn heart does not forgive as quickly as it should and is not as generous with love as it could be to people in my life. How quick I am to forget that I myself am a sinner who Jesus paid FULL PRICE for when he died on the cross.
In return for this (literal) deal of a lifetime, I owe nothing. The "Goodwill" of God paid for everything I ever need.
Ever feel like your heart is holding back from forgiving others? That's when we need to remember that we are to love our neighbors (friends, spouses, coworkers, children, etc) as Jesus loves us....with compassion, with grace, with forgiveness. WITHOUT thriftiness but instead with ALL of our hearts.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Tropical Storm Andrea
1 John 3:2
"Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be."
When I heard the name of the latest storm on the coast, I joked with friends and family that they must have seen my house. Actually, I often feel like a storm that brings drama and leaves damage wherever I go. It seems like even with the very best of intentions and my biggest effort, I often fail.
For me, usually it is the house. I am one of those people that sees potential in shabby, sees what everyone and everything can be. My family resides in an old house built in the late 1800's that has uneven floors, creaky stairs, cracked ceilings, and wall-papered plaster walls...and I love it. I see a home that has seen several families' children run through the halls, beautiful woodwork and character, spacious rooms, and a lot of love to grow. My problem? I watch too much HGTV.
Every room becomes a giant art project. Things get tackled and left unfinished. I have intentions of making them beautiful, but, more often than not, life gets in the way and they end up half done. Then, this family of six leaves its chaos all over and *BOOM* Tropical Storm Andrea has swept through. I look around and see my failure in every room and then I feel really low about my abilities as a wife and mother to provide a "homey" environment for my family.
My six year old son once told me that if the house were any messier he would just buy some wood and nails and build a new one in the backyard. *sigh*
The good news? God's love is not dependent on whether or not I keep my house clean...whether or not I finish my projects. In fact, I am His unfinished project! He sees my potential and is molding and making me into who He intends me to be. None of us are perfect, but that's okay. His love for us is so great, His plans for us so big, and His grace so unrelenting that we never have to feel imperfect.
My kids know a little tune that they like to belt out on our road trips:
"He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
The sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be."
He's still working on me."
So today, I sit in my imperfect house and rejoice in the Lord's grace and my potential.
"Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be."
When I heard the name of the latest storm on the coast, I joked with friends and family that they must have seen my house. Actually, I often feel like a storm that brings drama and leaves damage wherever I go. It seems like even with the very best of intentions and my biggest effort, I often fail.
For me, usually it is the house. I am one of those people that sees potential in shabby, sees what everyone and everything can be. My family resides in an old house built in the late 1800's that has uneven floors, creaky stairs, cracked ceilings, and wall-papered plaster walls...and I love it. I see a home that has seen several families' children run through the halls, beautiful woodwork and character, spacious rooms, and a lot of love to grow. My problem? I watch too much HGTV.
Every room becomes a giant art project. Things get tackled and left unfinished. I have intentions of making them beautiful, but, more often than not, life gets in the way and they end up half done. Then, this family of six leaves its chaos all over and *BOOM* Tropical Storm Andrea has swept through. I look around and see my failure in every room and then I feel really low about my abilities as a wife and mother to provide a "homey" environment for my family.
My six year old son once told me that if the house were any messier he would just buy some wood and nails and build a new one in the backyard. *sigh*
The good news? God's love is not dependent on whether or not I keep my house clean...whether or not I finish my projects. In fact, I am His unfinished project! He sees my potential and is molding and making me into who He intends me to be. None of us are perfect, but that's okay. His love for us is so great, His plans for us so big, and His grace so unrelenting that we never have to feel imperfect.
My kids know a little tune that they like to belt out on our road trips:
"He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars,
The sun and the Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be."
He's still working on me."
So today, I sit in my imperfect house and rejoice in the Lord's grace and my potential.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Keep Fluttering
Lamentations 3:22-23 "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness."
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with hummingbirds. I remember getting very excited seeing the small bird and staring in wonder at its beauty. Isn't it a wonder how such a small, spectacular creature can do such miraculous things? From reading about them over the years, I am intrigued by the speed of their wings. Hummingbirds flap their wings about 80 times per second! You would never know it to look at them as they hover around like little helicopters. They are the only bird that can fly backwards and upside down. A tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare miracle.
One of the biggest connections I have to the bird comes from an experience a few years back. Following five weeks in the PICU at Iowa City, my son, Miles, lost his battle for life. All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a mom. (I have the best that ever existed, and the only thing I ever dreamed of was being the best for my children as well.) So losing Miles was confusing, stressful, and extremely overwhelming.
I remember my first morning home after the day he died feeling like life wouldn't move forward, but when I stepped outside that morning, a tiny, colorful, gorgeous, miracle fluttered by my face, impossible to miss. Captivated, I stood and stared at the little bird hover from flower to flower in front of my home. I hadn't seen one in years and was overcome with a sense of peace. My heart leapt, knowing that in my struggle, God had sent me a little reminder that He was in control. My tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare little Miles was being well-looked after.
The next morning, the little bird was there again. And the next. And the next. He was there every morning from the day my son died until the day we buried him. After the day of the funeral, I never saw the hummingbird again.
Do you ever have days that are so overwhelming that you feel like that little bird? Like you have to flutter your wings 80 times per second just to hover?
I don't pretend to understand God's bigger plan for why Miles didn't survive, but I am grateful for the short glimpse of Miles-rare, gorgeous, tiny, colorful-just as miraculous as a little hummingbird. None of use are exempt from stress and struggle, from feeling like a tiny bird fluttering fast in a big, overwhelming place, but if you look for the Holy Spirit in your times of struggle, you will see God's faithfulness. Sometimes in the form of a comforting promise like my little bird, sometimes in an answer to prayer, sometimes just in a feeling of peace...but rest assured He knows your struggle and He is there. For YOU are HIS child-tiny, colorful, gorgeous, and rare-His miracle. And He won't abandon you.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with hummingbirds. I remember getting very excited seeing the small bird and staring in wonder at its beauty. Isn't it a wonder how such a small, spectacular creature can do such miraculous things? From reading about them over the years, I am intrigued by the speed of their wings. Hummingbirds flap their wings about 80 times per second! You would never know it to look at them as they hover around like little helicopters. They are the only bird that can fly backwards and upside down. A tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare miracle.
One of the biggest connections I have to the bird comes from an experience a few years back. Following five weeks in the PICU at Iowa City, my son, Miles, lost his battle for life. All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a mom. (I have the best that ever existed, and the only thing I ever dreamed of was being the best for my children as well.) So losing Miles was confusing, stressful, and extremely overwhelming.
I remember my first morning home after the day he died feeling like life wouldn't move forward, but when I stepped outside that morning, a tiny, colorful, gorgeous, miracle fluttered by my face, impossible to miss. Captivated, I stood and stared at the little bird hover from flower to flower in front of my home. I hadn't seen one in years and was overcome with a sense of peace. My heart leapt, knowing that in my struggle, God had sent me a little reminder that He was in control. My tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare little Miles was being well-looked after.
The next morning, the little bird was there again. And the next. And the next. He was there every morning from the day my son died until the day we buried him. After the day of the funeral, I never saw the hummingbird again.
Do you ever have days that are so overwhelming that you feel like that little bird? Like you have to flutter your wings 80 times per second just to hover?
I don't pretend to understand God's bigger plan for why Miles didn't survive, but I am grateful for the short glimpse of Miles-rare, gorgeous, tiny, colorful-just as miraculous as a little hummingbird. None of use are exempt from stress and struggle, from feeling like a tiny bird fluttering fast in a big, overwhelming place, but if you look for the Holy Spirit in your times of struggle, you will see God's faithfulness. Sometimes in the form of a comforting promise like my little bird, sometimes in an answer to prayer, sometimes just in a feeling of peace...but rest assured He knows your struggle and He is there. For YOU are HIS child-tiny, colorful, gorgeous, and rare-His miracle. And He won't abandon you.
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