Keep Fluttering

Lamentations 3:22-23   "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness."

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with hummingbirds.  I remember getting very excited seeing the small bird and staring in wonder at its beauty.  Isn't it a wonder how such a small, spectacular creature can do such miraculous things?  From reading about them over the years, I am intrigued by the speed of their wings.  Hummingbirds flap their wings about 80 times per second!  You would never know it to look at them as they hover around like little helicopters.  They are the only bird that can fly backwards and upside down.  A tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare miracle.

One of the biggest connections I have to the bird comes from an experience a few years back.  Following five weeks in the PICU at Iowa City, my son, Miles, lost his battle for life.  All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a mom.  (I have the best that ever existed, and the only thing I ever dreamed of was being the best for my children as well.)  So losing Miles was confusing, stressful, and extremely overwhelming.

 I remember my first morning home after the day he died feeling like life wouldn't move forward, but when I stepped outside that morning, a tiny, colorful, gorgeous, miracle fluttered by my face, impossible to miss.  Captivated, I stood and stared at the little bird hover from flower to flower in front of my home.  I hadn't seen one in years and was overcome with a sense of peace.  My heart leapt, knowing that in my struggle, God had sent me a little reminder that He was in control.  My tiny, colorful, gorgeous, rare little Miles was being well-looked after. 

The next morning, the little bird was there again.  And the next.  And the next.  He was there every morning from the day my son died until the day we buried him. After the day of the funeral, I never saw the hummingbird again.


Do you ever have days that are so overwhelming that you feel like that little bird?  Like you have to flutter your wings 80 times per second just to hover? 

I don't pretend to understand God's bigger plan for why Miles didn't survive, but I am grateful for the short glimpse of Miles-rare, gorgeous, tiny, colorful-just as miraculous as a little hummingbird.  None of use are exempt from stress and struggle, from feeling like a tiny bird fluttering fast in a big, overwhelming place, but if you look for the Holy Spirit in your times of struggle, you will see God's faithfulness.  Sometimes in the form of a comforting promise like my little bird, sometimes in an answer to prayer, sometimes just in a feeling of peace...but rest assured He knows your struggle and He is there.  For YOU are HIS child-tiny, colorful, gorgeous, and rare-His miracle.  And He won't abandon you.